Demons dislike me?

 A coworker of mine named Thomas was working a night shift at an apartment complex.

This apartment complex had a free access entrance in the lobby.

Due to the fact that this door remains unlocked from 9am to 6pm.

Homeless people are able to enter the building and find a low traffic area

like the fire escape stairwell and sleep on the floor.

Given that most emergency stairwells are heated it is a comfortable space.

Any way this homeless trespassing became such a problem that they had to hire security guards

to keep the homeless out of the building.

However the standard security guards simply yell at the homeless and eventually call the police.

The building called the security company I manage to obtain guards who would physically remove

these homeless people and not simply say " Excuse me." ninety five times and then do nothing.

Basically they wanted security guards that were not Beta bitches.

Anyway Tom and I were doing a patrol and he said " I think my house is haunted."

I glance at him and say " Really what makes you think that?"

Tom responds with a long rambling story that he told for the entire patrol.

Basically it contained the mumbling voices, moving objects, shadows of people

and slamming doors that every horror movie has.

But as a joke I said " Hell maybe I could come over to your house and deal with this ghost."

Tom's eyes light up and says " That would be great."

It was a standard shift. We ended up only carrying one homeless man from the building.

I ended up at Tom's house to find the living room lights flashing.

I said " Holy shit." And eager to see some kind of ghost I run inside.

However the Nano second I stepped foot into the living room the lights stopped flashing.

Tom comes into the living room and introduced me.

Tom's wife Lisa says " Are we not gonna talk about what just happened?"

Tom says " Huh?"

Lisa says " That fucking ghost was turning the light on and off.

The moment he enters the room the ghost fucks off."

Tom says " I was just a cowinsadince."

Well Tom and I are watching TV and Lisa is making dinner.

I hear Lisa say " What the fuck? "

I am thirsty so I walk into the kitchen and Lisa hands me a soda.

I ask " What's going on? "

Lisa explains that she set the stew ingredients on the counter next to the stove.

But every time she took her eyes of the three small tubs they would move.

So I sit on a stool at the counter and start talking with Lisa about Cyberpunk 2077.

We both couldn't believe Keanu supported this unfinished game.

However the containers remained in there spot and didn't move.

However as the stew was boiling and had everything inside it.

I hear a loud " Bang! " I said " What the fuck?! "

I walk towards the area where the sound came from and hear "Bang! " again.

I approach a door that is open and witness it slam close.

I was like Wow this thing actually stopped being shy.

I walk up to the door and grab it.

As I am holding the door it tried to move but given I am 240 plus pounds

it didn't have any luck moving.

I open the door and walk into an empty room and turn on the light.

I walk into the room and I reach the middle of the room.

When suddenly the light turns off and turn to look at the light switch

next to the door. The light from the hallway is streaming in from the door way.

However suddenly the door slams closed.

I am standing in a dark room with a ghost.....

Most people would be shitting their pants and screaming for their mother.

However I am looking around in the room wondering what is going to happen next?

Is a female ghost or a succubus going to suck my dick?

Will a demon try to attack me?

I am looking around like a MCU fan who was watching endgame

and the projector suddenly stopped working.

I am eager to get the entertainment started.

However as I am standing in the room completely fearless

and eager for something cool to happen.

A very faint raspy voice says " Get out! "

I actually say " Why? "

The voice says " I dislike you."

I laughed and the door to the room creaked open as if to emphasize it's point.

I exit the room and as I enter the kitchen where Lisa is now making bowls of stew.

Lisa says " Ummmm sooooo what happened."

I say " I think the ghost said it doesn't like me."

Lisa turns her head side ways and said

" A evil presence that has been trolling us for months said it disliked you."

I said " Yeah maybe my evil outranks it's evil or something."

Lisa give me a nervous laugh and hands me a bowl of stew.

If your wondering the stew was pretty good.

But after the meal I got the tool box out of my trunk

and took down the door by taking out the hinge pin.

I then went into the center of the room and unleashed a long loud fart.

Then I told Tom to just let the room air out and call me if anything else happened.

I started laughing as I drove away from his house.

The idea that my fart would banish a ghost made me laugh.

" Listen I heard from Tom that you banished his ghost by farting in his house."

" Now I don't judge people's lifestyle choices and other people may tell you

to change your eating habits given you can stink out a ghost."

" But I am having some ghost problems of my own. So if I feed you some four bean

chilly would you please at least try to get rid of my ghost by farting in my basement."

An oddly enough the following Monday Tom told me all ghost activity had stopped.

So I burst out laughing and while laughing I

said " I guess that ghost of yours couldn't stand the stink of my fart."